It’s Better In My Head

I recently received edits back on my new book and one of the things on my list of “to-dos” was to add a sex scene. Something I’m more than happy to do.  My husband even gallantly offered to help me research. What a sweetie ;-)

What he doesn’t understand though is that many times, something that is super sexy in a book doesn’t really translate well into real life. The scenarios sound fun, but in reality…maybe not so much.

For instance, sex on the beach? In books or movies, super sexy. I mean, it’s usually an exotic location, gorgeous, possibly public (ooo taboo!), everyone is wet and glistening from their romp in the ocean. But have you ever been to the beach? If you are even remotely wet, every particle of sand within a 10 mile radius will stick to you like super glue and there are some places that sand just doesn’t belong.

Same goes for a roll in the literal hay. Itchy, scratchy, smelly, full of dust, and slicker than snot when loose (and it’s generally stored in bales, not in nice, fluffy fictional piles, which would be all kinds of painful). Ooo or outdoors – a romantic meadow picnic or forest stroll? Lovely. But sticks, stones, and creepy crawlies were not created to be wedged into soft and tender places…

Sex on the stairs/table/cold tile floor? Supremely uncomfortable. Same goes for up against the wall – unless you weigh 20 pounds and are fooling around with He-Man, I’d imagine muscles would be giving out long before you are ready to. Not to mention the fact that you are up against a cold, hard, hopefully bare (because picture frames = ouch!) wall.

Sex in the shower? Well, first of all, this is extremely dangerous. A hard tile/stone/glass-enclosed stall all wet and more slippery than grease on a pig = broken bones waiting to happen. Not to mention, the unfortunate party who doesn’t get to stand under the water freezes to death. Now, those huge multi-headed showers fixes that problem, but then you still have to worry about explaining to the EMTs how you managed to throw out your back and break your leg while taking an innocent shower. Not fun ;-)

Sex in a car? Back in the olden days when cars were the size of a small house, this might not have been so bad. Nowadays? Unless you are driving a Winnebago, there is barely room to shift gears, let alone shift anything else.

But….this is why sexy scenes in romance novels are so fun. You can suspend reality for a few moments and just enjoy the story. Get swept up in the love and passion of two characters who simply can’t wait until they are in a nice, comfortable bedroom and who can make love over and over again without having to break for a good shower and sheet change.

I love these scenes. They are fun to write and even more fun to read. But, I think I’ll leave them where they belong…in my head ;-)

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About Michelle McLean
Michelle is the author of HOMEWORK HELPERS: ESSAYS AND TERM PAPERS (Career Press 2011), TO TRUST A THIEF (Entangled Scandalous Jan 2013), and the BLOOD BLADE SISTERS trilogy (Entangled Scandalous 2013). She grew up in California and has lived everywhere from the deserts of Utah to the tropical beaches of Hawaii to the gorgeous forests of the east coast. The oldest of five children, she is generally an organized mess with slight Obsessive Compulsive tendencies. She has a B.S. in History, a M.A. in English, an insatiable love of books, and more weird quirks than you can shake a stick at. In addition to her novels and non-fiction work, she writes picture books and a bit of poetry. If she's not editing, reading, or chasing her kids around, she can usually be found in a quiet corner working on her next book. She currently resides in Pennsylvania with her husband and two young children, an insanely hyper dog, and two very spoiled cats.


  1. Kimberly Quinton says:

    Oh. So. True! These scenes are better left to my imagination where they are prefect and wonderful and nothing itches afterward…..


    Michelle McLean Reply:

    LOL!! Exactly :D


  2. Miriam says:

    LMAO oh god. I can’t stop laughing at your Fiction vs Real Life.

    But you’re spot on about this. Sex is fun to read about but putting yourself in the hero/heroine’s place might end up causing more trouble than fun!


    Michelle McLean Reply:

    LOL definitely :D


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