At the very end of Magic Mike (yes, like half the female population, I went to Google), Alex Pettyfer stares out at hte audience, ready for his moment in the spotlight. He looks so freaking beautiful – in a messed up sort of way — I found myself saying, “Heck yeah, Babe, you ARE ready for your close up.” I was, to be honest, nursing a teeny bit of a crush.
Till I got home and Google killed it. Soon as I discovered my new crush had just turned twenty-two, my crush immediately shifted into skeeve territory. The guy was 4 years older than my son. Four! At that moment, I realized I could never be a cougar.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for female empowerment. If a woman wants to get herself some young piece of eye candy, I say more power to her. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to shake the idea the guy I was canoodling with was born while I was sitting in Algebra Two class. And don’t get me started on the idea of getting undressed in front of said youngster. There’s only so long I can hold my stomach muscles taut. Oh sure, I could work out more, try to get a tauter, younger body. Let’s face it though. I’m on the closing end of my fourth decade. There’s only so much exercise is going to accomplish. So unless I want to invest in a whole lot of plastic surgery, I’m still going to be sucking in my stomach.
No thank you.
Then there’s the whole culture difference. The other day my son was talking about “the Dougie.” I had to go Google it to know what he was talking about. Turns out its some kind of hip hop dance. Worse, I’d never heard of the band who sings it. Or raps it. Or whatever — I don’t even know the correct terminology. Which is exactly my point. How many meaningful conversations are we – my young stud and I – going to have, if I have to turn to my phone to research pop culture. And what happens the first time a Alanis Morrissette song comes on and he says, “I love the oldies.”?
So now we can’t talk, and we can’t canoodle. What then? Just skip the foreplay and go to bed. I go to bed at ten o’clock. I’m up at six. My idea of going wild is hanging out till midnight on Saturday nights. Heck, I’m going to need a month to recover from RWA Nationals. Today’s younger generation start partying at ten. Best we’ll be able to hope for is to wave at one another in the hallway as my young lover ambles out for the night – most likely with my son, with whom he’ll have more in common.
Guess that means no cougar for me. Sorry Alex Pettyfer. I’ll have to pass. Now if you were introduce me to your co-star, Matthew McConaughey, or better yet, Mark Harmon or another silver fox…Well, then we’re talking a whole other ball game.
Known around here as the Goddess of Sweetness and Light, Barbara Wallace is cougar-oriented this month because her next book Mr. Right, Next Door! features a younger man, older woman romance. Watch for it on shelves September 1. You can also pre-order the book here.
About Barbara Wallace
Sorry Barb, you lost me contemplating cougarhood at those two beautiful words.
Mark. Harmon.
Want.
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Barb Wallace Reply:
August 8th, 2012 at 8:46 am
I’d fight you for him, except I imagine the lovely Pam Dawber would take us both down. BTW, read somewhere where he insisted if he got a love interest on NCIS, that she had to be age-appropriate. He became even sexier at that moment.
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Amy Andrews Reply:
August 8th, 2012 at 3:32 pm
Yep, much sexier!
I wish he would get a love interest…..does anything happen with Jame Lee Curtis?
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Barbara wallace Reply:
August 8th, 2012 at 7:43 pm
I don’t know. Though I have to admit I wasn’t a big fan of hers.
I’m going to go google the dougie now…sigh, and here I was thinking I was sorta hip. My hubby is seven years my junior though, does that make me cougarish, maybe a cougar cub?
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Barb Wallace Reply:
August 8th, 2012 at 8:47 am
Not a cub – definitely a cougar! Your husband is lucky – make sure you tell him that.
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Can’t say I blame you. But then again as a girlfriend of mine from college put it I’m the only one she knows that has a minimum basic IQ requirement as well. If I can’t hold a conversation with you you are officially too dumb to ride. I think the same might go for age with me.
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Barb Wallace Reply:
August 8th, 2012 at 8:47 am
I know. Pretty is pretty, but unless you can use your brain, I’m not interested. And there’s something to be said about having had life experience too, don’t you think?
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“Best we’ll be able to hope for is to wave at one another in the hallway as my young lover ambles out for the night – most likely with my son, with whom he’ll have more in common.”
LOL! Yeah, I’m with you. I can appreciate the pretty, but when it comes to actually having anything to do with it… no thanks. I’ll stick to my own kind. Middle aged and dumpy and able to understand what I’m talking about.
But you’ve written a cougarish romance? What was that like? Interesting? Difficult? Vicariously fun? Does she have those same thoughts you’re having, or is she happily and non-worriedly robbing the cradle?
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It was interesting. The book doesn’t dwell too much on the issue other than the heroine making note of the age difference several times. The key was to make him have an old soul – I think because he has been painted as having appreciated the beauty that comes with age (he’s into historical restoration) it was easier for me as an author to believe he would fall for an older woman. He even says in the book, I appreciate older things. I definitely identified with her though when she focused on the fact he could see the lines around her eyes.
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Barb, I had the same feeling after I watched “The Proposal” and then promptly googled Ryan Reynolds. And his birth date. I remember the Bicentennial Celebration, let’s just leave it at that. The other reason I couldn’t be a cougar is because I really don’t want to have a conversation about the meaning of life at this point. I just want to grab and savor each precious moment. Thanks for a great post!
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I’m with you on the skeeve factor. I can appreciate a handsome man no matter his age. But when it comes to actually contemplating us together? Yeah, you kind of need to be closer to my age – or older (My husband is 9.5 years older than I am – his skeeve factor came when he asked “Where were you when I was 18?” and I replied “3rd grade.”) And yes, pretty is as pretty does, but there also has to be some functioning brain cells to be able to, you know, hold a meaningful conversation.
But I am TOTALLY on board with Mark Harmon! I visualize a younger Mark every time I think of my state trooper protagonist from my short stories. =)
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Amy Andrews Reply:
August 8th, 2012 at 3:37 pm
Oooh Mark in The Presidio when he did the wild thing with Meg Ryan on the hood of a car.
Hmmmm, drool drool…
Sean Connery was also in that film. A veritable feast I tell you!
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Mary Sutton Reply:
August 8th, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Oh my (fans face). Oh yes. Sean back when he was the sexy older man. (rushes to see if The Presidio is on Netflix Watch Now).
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Jenna Reply:
August 8th, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Sean Connery at any age. He was probably gorgeous at 20, too. Must confess I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture.
This really strikes home for me right now. I’ve been looking at stock photo sites for potential guys to suggest for my next book’s cover art. I found myself thinking, “If I could add 10 years to him, he could be my hero,” constantly. Urgh!
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I almost fell off my chair laughing at the opening volley of this argument against being a cougar. My son is 17 and in a military program. Some of his friends make me feel like a dirty old lady. Which I probably am, considering my husband (and the father of my two boys), is 6 years younger than I am. The first time I went away to college (yeah, I did the college thing more than once), he was entering middle school; I did not know him then. I fell for him the first time I saw him in his Air Force blues. I’ve got a weakness for the uniform; what can I say? At least he was legal. When we got married, he couldn’t even drink at our reception. Since then, we’ve grown older and, shall we say, “less athletic” together. He knows all the same bands that I do and remembers all the same TV (although I didn’t watch The Smurfs like he did).
Frankly, I’m too lazy to be a cougar–all that work! I just don’t want all that stamina anymore, if you know what I mean.
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