At the very end of Magic Mike (yes, like half the female population, I went to Google), Alex Pettyfer stares out at hte audience, ready for his moment in the spotlight. He looks so freaking beautiful – in a messed up sort of way — I found myself saying, “Heck yeah, Babe, you ARE ready for your close up.” I was, to be honest, nursing a teeny bit of a crush.
Till I got home and Google killed it. Soon as I discovered my new crush had just turned twenty-two, my crush immediately shifted into skeeve territory. The guy was 4 years older than my son. Four! At that moment, I realized I could never be a cougar.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for female empowerment. If a woman wants to get herself some young piece of eye candy, I say more power to her. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to shake the idea the guy I was canoodling with was born while I was sitting in Algebra Two class. And don’t get me started on the idea of getting undressed in front of said youngster. There’s only so long I can hold my stomach muscles taut. Oh sure, I could work out more, try to get a tauter, younger body. Let’s face it though. I’m on the closing end of my fourth decade. There’s only so much exercise is going to accomplish. So unless I want to invest in a whole lot of plastic surgery, I’m still going to be sucking in my stomach.
No thank you.
Then there’s the whole culture difference. The other day my son was talking about “the Dougie.” I had to go Google it to know what he was talking about. Turns out its some kind of hip hop dance. Worse, I’d never heard of the band who sings it. Or raps it. Or whatever — I don’t even know the correct terminology. Which is exactly my point. How many meaningful conversations are we – my young stud and I – going to have, if I have to turn to my phone to research pop culture. And what happens the first time a Alanis Morrissette song comes on and he says, “I love the oldies.”?
So now we can’t talk, and we can’t canoodle. What then? Just skip the foreplay and go to bed. I go to bed at ten o’clock. I’m up at six. My idea of going wild is hanging out till midnight on Saturday nights. Heck, I’m going to need a month to recover from RWA Nationals. Today’s younger generation start partying at ten. Best we’ll be able to hope for is to wave at one another in the hallway as my young lover ambles out for the night – most likely with my son, with whom he’ll have more in common.
Guess that means no cougar for me. Sorry Alex Pettyfer. I’ll have to pass. Now if you were introduce me to your co-star, Matthew McConaughey, or better yet, Mark Harmon or another silver fox…Well, then we’re talking a whole other ball game.
Known around here as the Goddess of Sweetness and Light, Barbara Wallace is cougar-oriented this month because her next book Mr. Right, Next Door! features a younger man, older woman romance. Watch for it on shelves September 1. You can also pre-order the book here.